Talk:One piece legacy: Yatara chaos 4/@comment-5008281-20150811032103

DAMN! 5 Years too late. Hate that crap. Alright, so I've noticed something in your writing. One major problem I have seen is that you seem to have a bad habit of "telling" and not "showing". An example, Zozo loves the marines and hates pirates. We got the fact that he hated pirates by how he reacted to them last chapter. That's cool. But then you pretty much put a redundant statement here stating just that. Instead of saying he loves the Marines, the mere fact that he smiles at their approach at first is enough to tell us that he is comforted by them, but then the look on their faces say otherwise.

Sorry about the long paragraph, but since this is an early chapter, I'm not really complaining, I'm more giving some advice for the future. I'll see how you're doing as you write later.